Okay, I didn’t grow them all in one day. Here’s the story.
I broke my electric razor a few weeks ago. I took a long time to get around to trying to fix it, and I refuse to use old-fashioned razors because I’m basically a wuss, so I instead ended up growing this mountain man beard.
See, I’m sure there are people who envy guys who can grow full beards, but I wish I had a beard that didn’t just seriously keep growing forever. It started to cover my mouth. Some people call bushy beards “food-catchers”, since if food spills on its way in you can find it later when you look in the mirror. Great food conservation tool, beards. But this beard, man, it wasn’t a food-catcher it was a food-blocker. Instead of a strainer I had a brick wall of curly beard in front of my mouth. So today I finally fixed the razor and started at it.
(The razor itself is kind of funny, because I could only fix two of the three circular razor heads on the top. So it has this gaping hole in it now, which kind of looks like a mouth with two eyes above it. Kind of like the Dramatic Lemur video below this post.)
So when I started shaving, I was all, “What if I shave the middle part first?” So I shaved my chin and mustache. Then I shaved my neck (man, the surgeon general’s gotta get right on neck beards, that shit is toxic). I was about to shave my cheeks when I realized, “Hey! Mutton chops!” And for some reason known only to me (okay not even to me), I decided to keep them.
Now I’m not sure if I like them because they’re cool or because they’re so uncool they’re cool again. Like a good cheesy movie, the kind you’ll find on Mystery Science Theater.
Pictures coming soon, if I can get access to a digital camera, or a camera and a scanner.
